I’m sorry to say, but even the most monogamous of us tend to get bored with our sex lives after a while of hooking up with the same person, because let’s face it: monotonous sex is boring sex. And that’s why we seek out sexual novelty.
If you’ve ever dated someone for a long time, or if you’ve exclusively hooked up with the same person for a while, you already know that the sex starts to get a little boring after a while.
This happens because the experience loses novelty, and our brains produce less and less dopamine, which makes us lose interest in sex with that person. It’s simple human psychology — our brains crave novelty!
But here’s thing — after we get bored of sex and lose interest, it comes right back if we hook up with other people. This phenomenon is called the Coolidge Effect, which got its name when U.S. President Calvin Coolidge and his wife made some observations about chickens hoeing around on a government farm.
Just for fun, here’s the story of the slutty chickens: Apparently, when Calvin Coolidge and his wife were looking around a farm, Mrs. Coolidge noticed a rooster was being a massive slut and screwing around with different chickens.
“She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, “Dozens of times each day.” Mrs. Coolidge said, “Tell that to the President when he comes by.” Upon being told, the President asked, “Same hen every time?” The reply was, “Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time.” President: “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”
So there. That’s the story of how the Coolidge Effect got its name.
Anyway, one study found that men who were exposed to the same sexual stimuli, a.k.a. the same porno, became habituated to the stimuli and became less and less aroused over time. On the other hand, men who were shown varied sexual stimuli, a.k.a. different kinds of porn, maintained higher levels of sexual arousal.
Likewise, another study found that after watching the same porno for a few days and then watching a different one, men not only came faster, but they also had a higher sperm count. From these findings, we can conclude that novelty = good sex.
“This suggest that the Coolidge Effect may have an evolutionary explanation behind it in that it might potentially increase men’s odds of reproductive success with new partners,” explains sexpert Dr. Justin Lehmiller.
That said, the Coolidge Effect plays a pretty big role in long term relationships. It mainly suggests that it’s totally normal for you to get bored of your girlfriend and want to sleep around. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your girlfriend – it simply means that we are all a little slutty by nature. And I say that in the nicest way possible.
Now, in case you’re quite fond of your girlfriend and don’t want to break up with her just because you’re bored of having sex with her, there are certain things you can do to keep the spark alive.
For instance, you can introduce novelty to the bedroom by means of sex toys, some light (or intense) BDSM, or role play. But if you’ve already tried all of these and you’re still bored, I don’t know how to help you.
And in case sex toys and bondage don’t seem like your cup of tea, you can try out consensual nonmonogamy, where you literally have sex with other people, but you gently let your girlfriend know you’re sleeping with others, and vice versa. It’s not for everyone, but some couples find a way to make this arrangement work.
You can also have sex with other people to relieve your sexual boredom and not tell your girlfriend. That is also an option. But if that sounds like cheating, it’s because it is. I would advise against doing that, because it’s generally frowned upon to cheat on your significant other.